"Lord, I'm back and I diligently seek you." How many times have we said this? This time stop talking and sit silently. Wait patiently, seek diligently, sit silently. That means you need to pour out your heart and then deliberately be quiet. Spend a full day in quietness.
Meditation is a lost art in this modern, hurry-up world. I suggest you revive it. Not by endlessly repeating some mantra to get into some other frame of mind. Not that. Simply and silently wait before your faithful God. Read a passage of Scripture, perhaps a psalm, and let it speak. Say nothing. Just sit silently. Let Him talk. Let Him reassure you that you are fully and completely forgiven and that your shame is gone. Feel His arms around you. Understand the cleansing that He's bringing. Feel again the freshness and relief of His presence.
God will give you a fresh start if you'll stop fighting. It works. I know. I've been there. Just submit to Him and accept His grace.
God will keep His promise to forgive and welcome you home.
His mercies are new every morning.
God will keep His promise to forgive and welcome you home through Jesus Christ.